There was a time in my life when everything felt like it was unraveling.
I found myself raising my six-year-old daughter as a single parent, just after emerging from a traumatic divorce.
My self-confidence was at an all-time low. I was juggling too many things—shedding the weight of prolonged emotional abuse, trying to provide stability for my daughter, shouldering all the financial responsibilities, adjusting to a new job, dealing with social anxiety, and discovering who my real friends were in times of trouble.
Despite all of this, I was grateful for the job I had and a work environment that supported family life. However, I had to rebuild myself from the ground up, as a woman, as a mother, and as a leader.
A Leader on the Outside, a Struggler on the Inside
On the surface, I had to present myself as a confident leader, but inside, I felt like a duck—calm on the surface but paddling furiously underneath just to stay afloat.
I told myself I couldn’t afford to fall; my life depended on bouncing back.
That’s when I decided to embark on a journey of transformation. I started learning new things, traveling solo, embracing challenges, and even began speaking at conferences. Slowly, I started to trust the process, even though, at first, the changes were invisible.
The Turning Point
The real shift happened when I began to gain momentum.
It wasn’t immediate; I didn’t wake up the next day feeling magically better.
But something was changing inside me, and over time, it showed. The more I leaned into new experiences and trusted the process, the more resilient I became.
Building New Habits
I began setting small goals, focusing on progress rather than perfection.
Discipline became my ally—discipline of my mind, my thoughts, and my time. Whenever negative self-talk arose, I shut it down quickly.
I was also blessed to have a small group of supportive friends who cheered me on and reflected back the strength I was building. My faith in God played a significant role as well, grounding me through the toughest times.
Interestingly, my resilience also inspired my daughter. She watched me, and she, too, became a hardworking and street-smart young woman, far beyond what many of her Gen Z peers could understand.
Celebrating Small Wins
I always kept two time horizons in my mind.
For example, if I were building a house, one goal would be to complete the roof in three months, and the other would be to envision the completed house standing in a year’s time.
Celebrating these small wins, rather than waiting for the end goal, kept me motivated and resilient, even on tough days.
Mindful Journaling
A key practice that helped me stay resilient was journaling.
It helped me stay mindful of what was bothering me, what I was struggling with, and what reservations I had.
I likened it to target practice—I identified each negative thought or emotion and systematically took them down.
Journaling also reminded me of my worth and the values I hold dear. I knew I had to be a role model, not just for my daughter, but for my team, and even the silent observers who were watching me from the sidelines.
One day, I was surprised when a junior from 20 years ago reached out to tell me how my leadership had impacted them. It was a humbling reminder that even in our personal struggles, others are quietly watching and learning.
Teaching Resilience Through Experience
Because I’ve walked through the valleys and made the climb back to catch the sunlight, I know it’s possible to bounce back.
I’ve imparted these lessons to others through empathy, support, and guidance. Many of my team members have shared that I didn’t just teach them work skills—I taught them life lessons.
Now, I’m ready to codify these experiences and share them in a more structured way. My journey has made me realize the importance of mental toughness, and I’m excited to explore this in the coming months through new initiatives. This isn’t just about bouncing back—it’s about rising stronger and more prepared for whatever challenges life throws your way.
Final Thought
If there’s one message I want to leave you with, it’s this:
There is light at the end of the tunnel, even when you feel like you can’t go on.
You are created to be a conqueror.
You just need to find the switch to turn on your generator for resilience mode to kick in.
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